INSPIRING WISDOM

THE JEWISH HOME
Foundations and Building Blocks

There are fortunate homes where love is constant and powerful, where a man and a woman feel every day that they have been wed anew, that nothing can possibly separate them in thought and feeling, that when one is satisfied, the other is happy, or when one is injured it is the other who suffers the deeper pain. At home, one's whole being is reflected. In his home you observe his entire personality, you see there his entire self. There he suppresses nothing, conceals nothing, disguises nothing.

There are at least three fundamental experiences which one must realize in his home, and they are peace, joy, and love. In his home, one's spirit must cast off all perturbation, all restlessness, all disturbance, all commotion. A peaceful consciesness should be his when he is in his home. The home must also be a center of joy. No joy is vital unless he has someone to share it with him. Man's sorrows become lighter when someone shares them with him, but his joys become deeper when there are others to rejoice with him. Here, individualism becomes strongly mixed with altruism, the I becomes subordinated to the we; success and defeat are faced together; success is then doubly enjoyed and the burden of defeat grows much lighter. The powerful forces that hold us to the home draw their strength from the love which it harbors. The arrangements of life must be such that the builders of a home must continually and consciously contribute to the harmony between them and the happiness of one another.

Another aspect which we consider so vital for the preservation of love is greater attachment to the home. In the strenuous life of this, our civilization, man needs more than ever a secure haven for his spirit. He needs a place where his finer emotions may come into play, and his finer sensibilities may find contentment. One must not build a home in order to find happiness in it, but in order to offer happiness. A home does not make itself, it is not a place "ready-made" for the household to walk in and find happiness therein. It is a place which man and woman themselves build, and build continuously; it is never completed, and therefore can never be left to run itself. Our deepest emotions find unhampered expression.

Behind all care and self-sacrifice for another human being is the emotion of love. Love is fundamentally a Divine attribute; G-d expresses Himself in terms of love. G-d invested the human heart with a spark of his own attributes. Love is greater than goodness; goodness is one of the servants of love. Love is higher than devotion; devotion is the expression of love. Love is much greater than forgiveness, for he who loves always forgives all the injustices that are done to him. Thus, all good qualities in the human heart are aroused where love prevails. Love lends power, courage and joy to man's life; it sweetens it and elevates it and lends it brightness and vision. Man and woman alone can establish it everlastingly. They can do it by cultivating common interests, by offering continued kindness to one another, by making the home the deep center of their lives.

Kindness carries with it unusual power. It not only helps and uplifts, bit it also touches the finer, more tender emotions, stirring them with gratitude and reciprocity, and thus creating deeper harmony. When the heart speaks in terms of kindness and nobility, let us quietly listen to it; for if we do not, it may not speak again in the same terms. When the heart urges the performance of a kindly act, lend yourself to it and quickly perform it. You will therefore invite the best and noblest to find expression through your being. When the heart speaks of forgiveness be sure to listen and obey. For it is much easier to condone an offense than to bear a grudge. And when your heart speaks of hope, give heed to your heart. When courtesy and kindness are continuously practiced, devotion grows and love becomes deeper, and souls band together and learn to find their joy in living for another. Good souls are those that make room in their spaciousness for other souls. Good hearts are those that seek out other hearts upon whom to lavish of their tenderness and helpfulness.

Sympathy belongs to the group of tender emotions in man. It is particularly joined by kindness. Kindness is the result, sympathy is the cause and prime mover. Sympathy is the ability to place yourself in another's situation, and feel with him in that situation. You sympathize with people in their joy as well as their sorrow. You grasp the depths of their happiness, and you feel it as keenly as if it were your own. Sympathy is a Divine gift; it is given to man to unite him with his fellow-man, to expand his joys, to lift his spirit, and to lighten his load. Sympathy is the foundation for humanity.

G-d gave man all the necessary tools for friendship. Of what value would be devotion and love if not for friendship? Of what value are all the deep, known treasures of the human soul if not in order to bind the soul to other souls and knit the heart to other hearts? Friendship is a spiritual bond. Friendship is the sum of all the kindest feelings and sympathies that one personality directs towards another. Before a friend, one can afford to be oneself; before a friend, one need not hide his weaknesses, he need not conceal his deficiencies, he need not make an effort to shine, he need not protrude or accentuate his better parts. In friendship, concealment weakens the bonds, open-heartedness fortifies it and reinforces it. To a friend, weaknesses are not blemishes. Friendship, in its finer essence, is not based on what one has but on what one is. Such are the qualities of true friendship. It means a whole-hearted devotion between soul and soul.

In an ideal partnership, one encourages the other, and when necessary, one consoles the other. Both are cognizant of each other's abilities, and do not expatiate on each other's weaknesses. In an ideal partnership, there is no jealousy, there is no envy, there is no suspicion and no unkind criticism. When those who are supposed to find their life happiness through mutual understanding and harmony are continuously bickering, continuously wrangling, one feels something very precious is being destroyed in the process. Strangely enough, the reason for this is very frequently the attempt on the part of the one to bring the other into stringent harmony with himself or herself. But attempts at this kind of harmony usually end in disaster. The mistake that is made here is to mistake imitation for harmony. Harmony, on the contrary, entails tolerance and respect for the other's views and feelings and judgments, though they may differ radically from one's own. To force someone else into one's mold is cruelty; kindness requires understanding and respect. Just as it is important for us to see and observe, so it is sometimes important for us to overlook. A person must only observe and promote that which enhances harmony, love, and devotion in his home. The ability to overlook is inestimable in promoting marital devotion. The life partnership of a man and woman must be kept free from misunderstandings, disagreements, and disharmony, else life ceases to be the source of joy which G-d created it to be.

When one remits his attention and relaxes his watchfulness, love may become famished; and two individuals, who were destined to be the most intimate in the world, may find themselves strangers to one another. Man and woman must be united on a higher plane; they must have interests in common, they must have ideals in common. This commonship creates greater unity, deeper harmony between man and wife. Love is powerful, but it is also delicate and vulnerable. Commonship preserves love.